adoption

I am Being Grafted In to “We Are Grafted In”

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A place I’ve found to reflect, connect with, and learn from other adoptive parents is We Are Grafted In, and today one of my posts is being featured there! Make sure to check out their website, especially if you or someone you love is in the adoptive process.

If you are joining Where In the World Are Our Kids from We Are Grafted In, welcome! My husband and I are still in the adoptive process, and have recently received a referral for two preschoolers who are in the Democratic Republic of Congo. Our story is best detailed in the first twelve posts of this blog, starting here, and updated in the “About” section and in the timeline on the right.

But no matter why you’re here today, we thank you for joining with us on our journey!

We’ve Got Spirit

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A guest post by Ken

I don’t like birthday parties for me. It’s not that I mind getting older. A little grey around the edges is no big deal. It is more that I don’t know what to do with myself. The attention is somewhat unsettling.

So when the idea of doing a Chick-fil-A “spirit night” was presented to us (in which money is raised for our adoption) I was somewhat unnerved. I really liked the fund-raising portion, but being the center of attention makes me nervous. This may seem odd to those of you who know me. You may even say to yourself, “But you’re a pastor. You should be a people person.” This is true. I am (some what). However, in those ministry situations my role is always, “Let me tell you about Jesus.” My job is to take the attention off myself and to focus it heavenward.

This past Wednesday night we had our first “spirit night” at Chick-fil-A. I wasn’t sure what to expect. The first ten minutes were slow and I thought to myself, “The only thing scarier than a birthday party is a birthday party in which no one shows up.”

But those fears quickly went away as people started coming. And coming. And coming. At one point there literally wasn’t an empty table. Some even had to get their meal to go. I started to worry that they might run out of chicken. Thankfully they did not.

I was grateful for the money that was raised: $288.34 from food sales, and $70 in direct donations, in one night. However, there was a far greater benefit. The Chick-fil-A “spirit night” was an incredible outpouring of love and support from our friends. Sure we made 20% of every nugget, waffle fry and milkshake that was purcashed, yet the message that we received loud and clear was “WE ARE BEHIND YOU 100%!” Chick-fil-A provided a venue for people to come out and show their support for our adoption. And there were a lot of people who did just that – all at once.

It was a night of laughs, hugs, pats on the back… and chicken. But I also felt like there was a lot of encouragment that didn’t need words. A lot of questions were being answered that hadn’t even been verbalized.

I felt like our friends were saying to us:

We believe in you.

We know you will be great parents.

We can’t wait to welcome home the rest of your family.

Your children are going to be so loved and spoiled.

So yes, I am very grateful for the funds that were raised, but perhaps I am even more appreciative for everyone for being willing to stand with us. Or sit down and “EAT MOR CHIKIN” if that’s what it takes to help our adoption effort.

Shopping for Diversity

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One of the things I love most about Nashville, apart from the people, the Preds, and the food trucks, is the cultural diversity that is represented here. I didn’t know until several years after we moved here that Nashville is a major refugee intake area in the United States. Somali, Kurds, Egyptians, Mexicans, Burmese, and many many more have come to call the Nashville area home. In fact, one in six Nashvillians is foreign-born. We’ve come to love cuisine from all different regions of the world. After eating at restaurants like House of Kabob, Wild Wasabi, Café Bosna, and even Mas Tacos Por Favor, we’ve realized that the best thing about many ethnic foods is not the complexity but the simplicity of the foods.

One such unique combination that we’ve loved is the Middle Eastern cuisine of House of Kabob. Cucumber, tomato, and onion drizzled with lemon. Naan bread with feta and cilantro. In fact, this snack has become a favorite in our household. The one problem is that naan bread is as hard to find as it is delicious.

In search of our precious naan, we began to search out different stores, and finally decided to venture into an international market that is located about 5 miles from our house. We quickly learned that it has great freshly-baked bread of many different types in stock, all at great prices. We’ve come to realize that they have good deals on produce as well, including some more unusual selections that we might not see elsewhere. And spices are dirt cheap! Our favorite aspect of the international market, however, is the atmosphere.

Many times when we walk in, other customers are hugging each other and conversing in other languages. Though I don’t understand the verbal language, I can easily recognize the language of love. If you speak English in the International Market, you are in the minority. But not just one ethnic group shops there. We find Hispanics, Africans, Middle Easterners, and Caucasians browsing the aisles amongst each other.  Families shop together, as parents show their children products from their home countries.  The sights and smells are different from what we are used to, and are fascinating. And indeed, we are becoming increasingly brave at trying new items. The owner greets each customer, and frequently asks about jobs, home countries, and other news. As he rings up orders, he declares the price to be paid with conviction, in a thick Middle Eastern accent, and in cents. “Eight hundred and forty nine cents for you today!”  It doesn’t take long to become a member of the extended family of the International Market.

In fact, our third visit was this week, and the owner remembered us. We were buying freshly baked bread and a small selection of vegetables – cilantro, onion, tomato—as well as a few peaches. He rang up our order for the bread, cilantro, and peaches, and then picked up the onion and tomato and held them up and said as he looked us in the eyes, “For you.” Then he tucked them into our bag and pronounced, “Five hundred and twenty three cents!”

It’s interesting that for as much cultural diversity that is represented in that market, those who shop at the International Market have much in common amidst their dissimilarity. They are from all different corners of the planet, but they are all far from home. Not looking like typical Nashvillians, or sounding like typical Nashvillians, they have come together to celebrate the commonality of diversity.  And being far away from their own communities, they have created their own sense of community in a pocket of Nashville along Nolensville road.

In the not too distant future, two little ones will be joining our family who will be from another corner of the world. We won’t look like the typical Nashville family, or sound like them either, but we love the fact that we already know that we’ll have a place to shop where being different is the norm. They may not have the selection of products that Kroger has, but their diversity of experiences make all the difference in the world.

Gettin’ Chickin’ Part 1

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Tonight was our first Gettin’ Chickin’ for Adoptin’ Event! It was fabulous! So many people came out. We laughed, we hugged, we ate chicken! At one point, it was standing room only in Chick Fil A. I’m thankful for all who were willing to get food to go!

Thank you so much for all who came out to support us in our adoption efforts! Our kids have no idea how much love is waiting for them when they get here!

Hopefully we’ll get totals tomorrow!

Whirlwind

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The past week has been a whirlwind of adoption activity. Paperwork has been flying around our household. Emails exchanged in rapid-fire sequence. We’re trying hard not to let anything drop!

Let me see if I can catch you up.

  • We unofficially accepted the referral for the sibling pair last week.
  • We’ve been working on putting together our referral packet to officially accept the referral, including notarization of documents (thanks Willard!) and writing one of the largest checks we’ve ever written.
  • Our home study was finished by Catholic Charities yesterday.
  • Our adoption agency approved our home study today.
  • We prepared our I 600a to send with our home study and supporting documents to immigration in Texas for preapproval for our adoption.
  • We’ve been working on a t-shirt design with the Hollingsworths at Brush of Air. (If all goes well, our t-shirts will be done for tomorrow evening!)
  • Tomorrow night is our first Gettin’ Chickin’ for Adoptin’ event at the Hermitage Chick Fil A! We’ve got a plethora of marketing materials!
  • We’re redoing our adoption prayer cards, since the ages of the children listed on the current cards are wrong. We’ll have them done tomorrow night . . . I hope.
  • We’ve received much support from family and friends. We’re honestly not quite sure where we stand financially at this point, as some money has been pledged but not received. Everything that we or our agency has received is reflected in our thermometer on the right.

Suddenly we feel like we’re in fast-forward mode! We’re excited about all that God is doing!

Cloudy with a Chance of Blessings

/ kensrobin / 1 Comment

Yesterday, the bright sunlight beat down on the South, leading to record-setting heat. There were few words to describe the atmosphere in Tennessee other than “oppressive.” Even at 9:00 p.m., long after the sun had set, its searing heat left a scorching 90 degree temperature.

Today, on the other hand, the sun was filtered by the clouds. The bright blue sky was cast in shades of gray, which filtered down to a humid blanket that laid over the landscape. The temperature was almost ten degrees cooler, as the radiant heat dissipated in the sifted sunlight. The clouds mercifully spared us from the sun we did not need!

While today the clouds seemed like a source of refreshment, clouds often don’t conjure such pleasant images. Clouds have long symbolized doubt, uncertainty, confusion. They suggest that storms are ahead, that darkness lingers nearby. But Oswald Chambers in My Utmost for His Highest reminds us that clouds have a distinct role in the spiritual realm.

“In the Bible clouds are always associated with God. . . It is through these very clouds that the Spirit of God is teaching us how to walk by faith. If there were never any clouds in our lives, we would have no faith. . . They are a sign that God is there. God cannot come near us without clouds— He does not come in clear-shining brightness.”

Experiencing God is not the absence of clouds. He is within the clouds, and they are an indication of His presence. I believe that His presence is often most profoundly felt in the times when clouds surround us. We find the true definition of our faith in times when everything else is clouded with uncertainty — our relationships, our work, our health, our finances. 

In those times, the clouds sequester us away from the things on which we have inappropriately become dependant. They hide us, not from Him, but with Him from all that would vie for our attention.

“It is not true to say that God wants to teach us something in our trials. Through every cloud He brings our way, He wants us to unlearn something. His purpose in using the cloud is to simplify our beliefs until our relationship with Him is exactly like that of a child— a relationship simply between God and our own souls, and where other people are but shadows.”

 I often want to run from the clouds in life, to pray for shelter against them, to avoid them at all costs. But perhaps the clouds in life are the very vapor of God’s sparing us from that which we do not need — anything else but Him.

Maybe the clouds really are refreshing after all.

It’s Beginning to Rain

/ kensrobin / 6 Comments

Indeed, a miracle was already on its way when we opened that referral on Monday night.

In my own doubt, I told Ken that either we had to stop the adoption process to raise money, or if we were to proceed, we needed money to start falling from heaven as a sign from God. The thunderclouds of doubt and fear were rolling across the skies of our hearts.

Within minutes, however, we found out that someone had already written us a check last week, and it was on its way.

Drip.

Shortly after, someone else offered to help us out financially as well.

Drop.

The next morning, we found out that money had already been sent to our adoption agency by someone who had no idea that we had such an urgent need.

Drop.

Another friend sent a message within a few hours after that she was feeling led by God to give as well.

Drip. Drop.

At that point, we had not even posted on this blog about our need. But God was telling me that I needed to. I really battled with God about posting  last night. I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t want to ask people for money. But God reminded me that I wasn’t asking for money, that He was. I should never be ashamed or embarrassed to ask people to be a part of God’s Plan. In fact, I should feel nothing but joy for being a part of God’s prompting.

Since my post last night, our typical blog traffic has tripled, setting both a single post record, and a single day record.

Drip. Drop. Pitter.

Several more messages have been sent to us from people who are responding to God’s leading. He is at work.

Drip. Pitter. Patter. Drop.

To us, the outpouring has been a clear indication from God that we should continue to move forward. We are so thankful for those who have already helped us clarify God’s plan. You may not even realize it, but you have been the instrument of blessing and confirmation that we asked for from God. We still don’t know how exactly where the rest of the money is going to come from, but we trust the One who is going to provide.

Drip. Drop. Pitter. Patter. Drip. Drop.

We accepted the referral for the two children earlier this evening. We’re stepping out in faith, knowing that God is still calling others to walk this journey alongside us.  Are you one of them? Would you consider how God is asking you to be a part of His plan?

After all, it seems like it’s beginning to rain.

Time for a Miracle

/ kensrobin / 7 Comments

I received a message yesterday afternoon from our adoption case worker that she was working on a referral for us, and wanted to verify the ages and genders of children we are interested in, since our home study is not yet complete. I confirmed that we were interested in siblings, preferably a boy and girl, and one in the preschool age range. We exchanged several emails back and forth until she asked me if I would be interested in a 3 1/2 year old girl and 4 1/2 year old boy who were siblings. I asked if she had more information and pictures, and within a few minutes I got another email containing just that, and more.

In fact, it was an official referral. This wasn’t just a “Hey, would you consider these two?” It was the medical information, a set of pictures of the boy and girl, and their actual names. The email also contained the referral acceptance agreement to print, sign, and have notarized, and instructions to return the packet with payment of $13,000, in addition to $200 per child for this month’s child care payments. In order to move forward, we have to put at least half down, and lay out a plan to pay the rest within 90 days, in addition to paying the other fees that will come due, which include nearly $1000 due in the next couple of weeks to file with immigration, and the remainder of our agency fees ($2000) within about six weeks, as well as $400 each month.  In case math isn’t your favorite subject, that’s approximately $17,000 total. This is addition to the $5000 that we have already spent so far in the last 2 months.

Gulp.  I don’t know how we can do this. We can’t even come close to what we need. We thought that the money would be due later, after we had a chance to do some fundraising.  Are we in over our heads? Should we be doing this? Are we just setting ourselves up for failure? Again? We’ve seen so much disappointment in the last few months. Can our hearts endure trying . . . and failing?

We debated even opening the pictures. Our social worker had warned us these were their intake photos. We weren’t sure what to expect.

We opened the photos.

They broke my heart.

Pictured were a brother and sister. The chubby-cheeked sister was clothed in a too-large purple stained dress, and no shoes. She was clearly upset — folding her arms across her chest in one picture, faking a toothy smile in another, a furrowed brow in another.

Her brother was standing next to her, in a blue track suit. In each picture he was pulling at his clothes with shy tearful eyes that looked tired from crying.

Suddenly it struck me as I flipped through picture after picture that what I was witnessing was likely the most terrifying moment of their lives. It was the moment they were being left. At an orphanage. The pictures clearly captured their tiny hearts breaking. How two preschoolers could comprehend such terrible grief is more than I can imagine. To be left with only each other. Frightened. Overwhelmed. Desperate.

My heart whispered to them tearfully in the moment of their anguish, “Don’t worry, we’re coming. We have a plan. I know your hearts are broken right now, but you have no idea what wonderful things are in store for you if you will just hold out hope. Have faith little ones. Your miracle is on its way.”

As I left my computer to escape the grief — both theirs and mine, I distinctly heard God whisper to me,

“Don’t worry, little one, I’m coming. I have a plan, and you have no idea what miracles I have in store for you if you will just hold out hope. Your miracle is already on its way.”

Yes, Lord. We need a miracle.

So there it is. We’re waiting for a miracle. We need money to rescue these orphans, and we just don’t have it. But God does. And I believe that He has a plan. He has not called us to this adoption alone, because we cannot do it alone. I believe that He has surrounded us with people who are also called to help rescue these orphans.

I feel like I must ask: Has God has been whispering to your heart over the last few weeks as you’ve been reading this blog?  Would you help to say yes to these two children, who have already experienced too much grief in their brief years? Are you called to be a part of creating the story now, rather than waiting to see how it ends?

Are you a part of the miracle that is on the way?

 

 

 
*Update: Donations directly to the agency are no longer being accepted because our fees are nearly paid off! (9/15/11)

Our agency has asked that you put our name in a note or on the memo line to make sure it goes to our account, and they will send you a tax-deductible receipt.

Of course, if you’d rather give to us directly, or by one of the means to the right, we would appreciate that too. All donors’ names will go on the picture frame surrounding the puzzles of the children whose faces will hopefully be home in a few short months. We would love to tell our children about the miracle that brought them home.

Are you a part of that miracle?

A Successful Journey

/ kensrobin / 3 Comments

I used to have a small plaque in my bathroom, back in my bachelorette days, that had gold calligraphied  letters on a black background that read, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28”

What an inspiring verse! God is personally looking out for me! Really, when looking to have someone to work toward your good, God should definitely be at the top of the list. And of course I would let God know what exactly was best for me, and I was happy when He would give it to me.

Except that wasn’t very often.

And over the years, it began to irritate me. It seemed like God wasn’t listening to me, or even to my friends and loved ones. I had an extended illness and was laid off at work. A friend lost his infant daughter and was paralyzed in an accident not long after. A boy in our dorm was killed in a car collision as he was moving in for the semester. A friend lost a long battle with a chronic illness when he was much too young.

God? How are these things for the best?

C.S. Lewis once said tongue-in-cheek, “We’re not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.” 

Even now, I tell myself that just because we lost our referral, just because there were no twins to adopt, just because adoption through foster care was not what we thought it would be — it’s all because God has other children waiting somewhere else to complete our family.

But what if there aren’t?

Oswald Chambers in My Utmost for His Highest points out that God’s definition of success is not necessarily the same as ours,

“We tend to think that if Jesus Christ compels us to do something and we are obedient to Him, He will lead us to great success. We should never have the thought that our dreams of success are God’s purpose for us. In fact, His purpose may be exactly the opposite.”  

So I have to ask myself: What if He doesn’t have children for us to adopt?  What if this entire process is not about adopting children but about me learning to trust Him with our future family?

“What we see as only the process of reaching a particular end, God sees as the goal itself. What is my vision of God’s purpose for me? Whatever it may be, His purpose is for me to depend on Him and on His power now. If I can stay calm, faithful, and unconfused while in the middle of the turmoil of life, the goal of the purpose of God is being accomplished in me. God is not working toward a particular finish— His purpose is the process itself.”

 Truthfully, I am realizing that the point of our adoption journey is not merely the children who will complete our family. The point of our adoption journey is every bit as much about what God is doing in my heart along the way.

Maybe even what He is doing in your heart as you walk beside us.

Do I believe and hope that there are children at the end of our adoption journey? Absolutely. But even if there are no children at the end of the road, a God-directed journey is still worth every step along the way.