A guest post by Ken

 And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light.  God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness.  God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day. (Genesis 1:3-5)

A place I’ve found to reflect, connect with, and learn from other adoptive parents is We Are Grafted In, and today one of my posts is being featured there! Make sure to check out their website, especially if you or someone you love is in the adoptive process.

If you are joining Where In the World Are Our Kids from We Are Grafted In, welcome! My husband and I are still in the adoptive process, and have recently received a referral for two preschoolers who are in the Democratic Republic of Congo. Our story is best detailed in the first twelve posts of this blog, starting here, and updated in the “About” section and in the timeline on the right.

But no matter why you’re here today, we thank you for joining with us on our journey!

We received notification today in the mail today for our appointment for fingerprinting! Immigration orders us to appear at a certain time, and our answer must be, “Why yes, we’d love to!” Fortunately, we don’t have any schedule conflicts!

What does this mean? From our understanding, our process goes something like this:

Our fingerprints, which we will have taken on September 22nd, are required before our file is complete to receive pre-approval from the US government to adopt internationally. Once we receive this approval, we’ll be able to send off our paperwork to the Democratic Republic of Congo.

After our paperwork is received by the Congo, our case goes to court, which takes 1-3 months. Then there is a 30 appeal period. Once the appeal period is up, the case should be approved by the Congo.

Then we go back to get final approval from the United States, which takes 3-8 weeks.

After that, we apply for visas for emmigration, which take 1-2 weeks.

Then we travel for our Embassy appointment, and to get our kids and bring them home!

We were told a last month that the our expected timeline was that we would travel by the end of this year, or the beginning of next, but given where we are and all that has to happen, I don’t see how it will be possible for us to travel by the end of the year. While disappointing, since I hoped to combine my Christmas break with travels, and get an extra year of tax benefits, the process is still going remarkably fast by international adoption standards.  Most importantly, every minute that a child — our children– spend in an orphange is a minute too long.

But we celebrate every small step, and each day that passes, because we’re one day closer to bringing our family together!

The questions have arisen many times in the last few months, and twice in the past seven days, but each time it has, it hurts all the same.

“How do you know you’re not just getting scammed again? Is your adoption agency just stealing your money? How do you know the kids don’t have AIDS and they’re just not telling you? How do you know that you’re not getting robbed again?”

Reasonable questions, but painful questions. Most often, they come not from those who love us most, but from those on the periphery of our social circles who know that we were scammed by a ‘birth mother’ who wasn’t even pregnant. So perhaps they don’t understand that to us, what happened in the spring felt very much like a late-term miscarriage. An unexpected death. A loss of life and hope and trust. I know that these situations are different, but our experience feels very much like a death to us.

And if the situation is parallel to those, the questions feel like they would feel to a mother who had suffered several miscarriages, if someone had the audacity to ask, “How do you know that you’re not just going to miscarry again? Aren’t you wasting a lot of emotional energy, time, and money?” Or like asking a mother who lost a child in a car accident, “You’re going to buy a better car seat next time, aren’t you?” Heaven forbid!

Now, I know that people don’t mean it that way. But the questions still shake me to my core as if they did.

Another question I was asked in the weeks that followed the scam, when I really wasn’t even ready to talk about it was, “What lessons have you learned in all of this? What are you going to do different next time?”

Reasonable questions, but painful questions. In my heart it feels like, “You should have known better. This is your fault, and you should be more careful next time,” as if I didn’t feel that way already. We trusted the word of others and were taken advantage of, and we have paid for it dearly. And every time the questions are asked, we pay another painful toll.

But the truth is that there are few guarantees in life. Mothers who carry babies miscarry. Parents who seek to adopt have the adoptions fall through. Children die from accidents and mistakes made by others.  People with the best of intentions get taken advantage of.

One thing the police said to me, as they were politely telling me that they were not even going to launch a criminal investigation into our situation, was, “The sad thing is that what the ‘birth mother’ has done to you is destroy your ability to trust, and your desire to help other people.”

And for a while, it was true. I lost trust. But that’s not what Love is. That’s not who God is.

I Corinthians 13: 6-7 NIV says,

“Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (Italics mine)

And because Love is who God is, that is what I must strive to be like.

I must trust, even when my natural self wants to protect my heart. I must have hope that God will finish His work, even when I have no earthly idea how. I must persevere as long as His hand leads me forward.

Fortunately, God has placed many people in our lives who have demonstrated the very kind of Biblical Love mentioned in I Corinthians 13. Like a healing balm, words can also soothe my heart, “I’m so sorry. My heart hurts with you,” or “If you ever want to talk or just hang out, please just do,” and, “We still believe in God’s plan for you, and can’t wait to welcome your kids home.”

And with every whisper of kindness, with every hug, with every expression of generosity: trust is reborn, hope is renewed, and perseverance is spurred on.

Because that is who Love is.

My summer semester is finally winding down to an end . . . just in time for fall semester to begin. In a strange twist of scheduling, my fall responsibilities begin before my summer semester responsibilities end. Summer is by far my busiest semester, nearly doubling the load of other semesters, and it always seems to fly by without much time for anything else except for a few stolen minutes blogging, a few hours for a Saturday outing, and going to church.

Ken has done a great job adjusting to my summer schedule, and does the vast majority of housework. The only thing I really try very hard to still do is cook. I’m not especially great about it in the summer, but the rest of the year, I do much better.

I don’t know about you, but for me, one of the worst feelings is driving home after a long day at work, not knowing what I’m going to make for dinner. Mentally searching through my freezer and my pantry, trying to think of creative combinations– or most often just quick combinations– is stressful! Too often, it’s a bowl of cereal or a frozen skillet meal that makes it to the table, or even worse: eating out. That’s a budget-buster for sure.

Fortunately, solving the dinnertime dilemma has become much easier. A few years ago, I discovered a menu-planning service called e-mealz. It creates weekly menus, complete with recipes and a grocery shopping list organized by store sections. The recipes are easy and delicious, but also nutritious. The best part is that there are lots of menu options available. You can choose a menu based on diet (portion control, low-fat, gluten-free, vegetarian) or based on a particular store (Publix, Kroger, Aldi, etc.) and what they have on sale that week. (Almost everything on the grocery list is on sale, and they’ve done the hard work of creating a menu around it!)  You can even choose options for 1-2 people or for a family of 4-6 people. Because the recipes tend to be a bit better in the larger plan, Ken and I have opted for the family meal plan, and we either cut the recipes down, or freeze the leftovers in meal-size portions to eat for lunches.

Emealz menus have a variety of types of food and meal-prep times. For instance, there is typically a Mexican-inspired dish and/or an Italian style dish, but you’ll never have four Mexican dishes in one week. It will never be all chicken dishes, or all pork dishes, etc. There are also a variety of prep times as well. Each week usually includes one or two crock pot meals, and an easy-prep meal that takes just minutes. The recipes rarely repeat, and when they do, it’s because they’re very popular. The recipes are written by moms, so they’re all kid-friendly, which will be important for us in the next year!

If there’s a meal we don’t like, we can easily cross that meal off the list, and cross out the corresponding ingredients. Or if we know we’re going to be going out to eat someplace — like Chick Fil A on a Wednesday night– we can eliminate meals from the list as well.

But what about couponing? As most of you know, I’m a pretty enthusiastic couponer. Typically, I continue to use coupons to stockpile ingredients that we commonly use in emealz recipes, and I shop my stockpile in my basement pantry storage before going to the store. In the end, I typically end up only buying produce, dairy, a few odd ingredients for the emealz plan. Then I also buy what is on fabulous sale that I have a coupon for (saving at least 50%).  If that makes your head spin because it’s complicated, skip stockpiling!

Overall, we’ve loved using emealz most of the last three and a half years. It’s definitely solved the dinnertime dilemma, and encouraged us to try new recipes and cooking styles that we wouldn’t ordinarily try. It’s very rare that we don’t like a recipe, and more often than not we LOVE their recipes. The recipes I’m most known for are pretty much all e-mealz recipes. (Shhhh. Don’t tell.) Best of all, it has improved the nutrition of our meals, and has significantly reduced our grocery bill! Not only are we purchasing on-sale items almost exclusively, we’re no longer as tempted to eat out when we know we have an easy-to-make and delicious food waiting at home.

If dinnertime planning and grocery budgeting could use some help in your home, I highly recommend e-mealz! A three-month subscription is $15, making it only $1.25 per week. You’ll save MUCH more than that by eating out less, and by buying on-sale ingredients. And if you order by clicking on our link, a portion of your order will be go to support our adoption! It’s a win-win for your family, and for ours!

Last night, we made it official. While we had unofficially accepted our referral at the beginning of August, the adoption could not move forward without payment. We sent off our notarized referral form along with a pile of checks to cover the first half of our referral fee, and the first month’s payment for the children’s care in the orphanage, which totals $6900.

Altogether, nearly $14,000 of the $28,000 total has been spent on our adoption in just over two months. Our process is moving more quickly than we ever could have imagined!

So many of you have helped make this step possible. Some of you have hosted us in your home for a fundraising party. Some of you have quietly sent checks in the mail, or laid one on my seat in church. Some of you have told stories of God’s goodness, and wanting to pass that goodness along. Some of you heard God whisper to you before you even knew we had an urgent need. Some of you have eaten chicken for dinner, brought friends, and come back later for dessert. Others did all of that, and slipped a check into our hands as well. Someone even dressed up like a cow to remind others to go to Chick Fil A.  Someone else gave up haircuts until our children come home, and donated the money she would have spent on haircuts to our kids. Some of you have shared produce and meals to help keep our grocery budget low. Some of you have had no financial resources to give, but have interceded fervently on our behalf.

For everyone who has read, written, prayed, grown food, cooked meals, skipped out on other plans, dressed up, grown your hair out, eaten chicken, and listened to God, thank you. We are humbled by your generosity, and excited that God is not only moving our hearts, but yours as well.

We’ve got a long way to go before we reach our goal, but we’re well on our way. But we’re especially thankful for those of you who have joined us on our journey!

I love waffles, but I hate sticky fingers. Sticky fingers lead to sticky pants and sticky faces. So yesterday when I was handed a bottle with syrup running down the side I was horrified. A mom at our church said, “Better get used to that”.

She was right. There are a lot of changes coming.

And we welcome all of them.

Instead of action adventure or romantic comedies, our television set will be dominated by educational programming and cartoons.

Gone are the quiet romantic dinners. They will be replaced by fast food chains will play places.

Sleeping in late: out. One more bedtime story: in.

Business casual will be replaced by what fights stains best.

“Don’t cry over spilled milk,” will soon be more than a cliché.

A goodnights rest will be ousted by all-out-searches for monsters in the closet or under the bed.

An interesting read will be ignored as a last minute science fair project is hastily pulled together. Perhaps the subject will be “the prolonged effects of sleep deprivation”.

Instead of the latest flat screen TV, we will be getting braces.

Forgive me if I sound like I am complaining. That’s not my intention. Perhaps I am just coming to grips with all the sacrifices and lifestyle changes that come with parenthood. And like I said, “we welcome all of them”.

Soon our refrigerator will be adorned with all sorts of misshaped finger painting portraits. Bring ‘em on!

In a few months, we will begin construction on massive Lincoln log skyscrapers and leaning towers of Lego. I can’t wait to be the foreman or the bricklayer.

Our TV room will be under siege with fortifications of cushions and blankets that will be erected.

There are Halloween costumes in our forecast.

Lines for Christmas productions will need to be memorized.

Loose teeth will need to be pulled.

Skinned knees and tears soon will be here.

And we can’t wait for with these things will come:

Laughter.

Giggles.

Hugs and kisses.

Hide and seek.

“I love you’s.”

So bring on the sticky fingers and the glitter and the piano recitals.

We just can’t wait.

A guest post by Ken.