Month: November 2011

Thankful Thoughts: Playing Dad

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A guest post by Ken

I am thankful for cartoons, hot wheels, Crayola markers, Lego sets and action figures. Not only are they the stuff of my childhood, but Lord-willing they will soon be the tools of the trade when I become a Dad (which cannot come soon enough for me!).

Perhaps this can explain what I mean.

Robin had asked me to work on a small project that would become a play mat for our kids. Robin had discovered “busy bags”. She had asked me to draw a simple landscape for hot wheel cars. So I grabbed a handful of markers, put on a movie and enjoyed a snack.

So while I was on my day off playing with toy cars, watching a movie, “Captain America” and snacking on Halloween candy it dawned on me: one of the great perks of being a parent is that you get to re-live parts of your childhood. I realized that I wasn’t playing, I was practicing to be a Dad! This was field research.

Maybe being a good parent was nothing more than being able to relate to a child at their level in their world. It may be that they don’t need lectures, but for me to just be there for them. Even if I don’t know what to say, I can try to enter their world and listen. For months I have been wondering and worrying about what kind of a father I would be. I could have saved myself a number of sleepless nights if I had only known that part of being a good dad is the ability to be a kid again. I can do that!

Perhaps those pearls of wisdom that my Dad was able to dispel when I was a child were simply his ability to remember what it was like to be a little boy as well. I may not remember much from the lectures, spankings and other attempts at instilling discipline, but I distinctly remember playing catch in the backyard, camping trips and countless game nights in our household.

So I might not have all the answers or always know what the right things to say, but one thing I am certain of is that I can be there for my kids and I can enjoy playing in their world. And perhaps that’s what love is for a five year old.

I just pray my children love building with LEGO!

Thankful Thoughts: A ReWedding to Remember

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It all began when Ken and I were married back in September of 1996. We were both working for a church that was neither Wesleyan nor Nazarene. The pastor of that church, our boss, insisted that he perform our wedding ceremony, instead of my father (who is ordained in the Wesleyan church) because, “Weddings are a religious ceremonies, not family affairs.” What could I say? I was brokenhearted, but he was my boss. The pastor told me I could only have one song in our wedding. He attempted to control every detail. He spread untrue gossip about Ken and I around the church, and shared information that had been discussed confidentially with whoever he wanted to know. He was rude to me, my friends, and my relatives.

Then, only six weeks after we were married, Ken and I left the church after finding out some unseemly details about the pastor’s life– multiple affairs, embezzlement, fraud, death threats, etc.  When we tried to explain to the church board what we knew of the pastor, but they didn’t want to hear our story or see our evidence. They reluctantly “allowed us to resign,” and gave us 10 days to get out of our parsonage.  “How dare you accuse a man of God of such things,” they scorned. We were homeless, penniless, and Ken lost his permission to work in the United States until we could refile for another immigration visa (which took nearly a year). A month after we left that church, we found out that the pastor had subsequently confessed to immoral and illegal activities— what we knew of and more. We never received an apology or even an acknowledgement from the church, the denomination, or that pastor. And “that pastor” got an extensive paid sabbatical, and a promotion to a larger church in another area of the country.

All that to say, our wedding day ended up not being the fairy tale day that every girl dreams about. It was supposed to be the one happiest days of my life, the one day that was about us, the bride and groom, but it was forever marred by a man who shouldn’t have even been in the picture, except that he invited himself to be there. I never even ordered pictures. I tried not to think about my wedding day. The important thing was that Ken and I were married. There is so much more to a marriage than the wedding day, but a part of me was always a little sad that I couldn’t look back on the day with untainted joy.

However, in 2002, the week of our sixth anniversary, as I was starting to teach a Thursday morning lab section at Indiana Wesleyan, Ken walked in the door of my classroom wearing a tuxedo, with a videographer tow. Ken came to the front of the classroom, got down on one knee and asked me to marry him all over again, as he presented me with a diamond necklace.
I said yes.

I went home for lunch with my mind racing through the details. What would I wear? Ken handed me a box from my mother, who had bought me a re-wedding dress. Flowers had been ordered. Bridesmaids and groomsmen had been arranged. Music was chosen. Wedding cake was ordered. Ken had taken care of every detail. Our current pastor, whom we dearly loved, agreed to perform the ceremony.

That Sunday night, in front of friends and students from Indiana Wesleyan and our college ministry, the Search, Ken and I renewed our vows. We snapped new pictures. We ate cake with new friends. We recommitted ourselves to lives devoted to each other.

Ken gave me the most precious gift imaginable: joyful wedding memories. I had not asked for a re-wedding, but he wanted me to look back on our wedding with delight, because he believes that every bride should have her special day. 

Today, I’m especially thankful for my husband who has the integrity to stand for what is right, even when it meant losing our jobs and our home. I’m thankful for a husband who loves the Lord more than he loves me. And I’m thankful for a husband who reminds me every day that I am his beautiful bride.

Thankful Thoughts: The Tale of the Curmudgeonly Groom

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Once upon a time, there was a curmudgeonly man who married a beautiful bride. As tradition would hold in those days, his bride stayed at home to care for the household, and soon enough, the children as well. The husband went off to work every day, and would come home, a bit dismayed by the state of affairs of his home. Thinking his bride could use some help in the area of household management, he rolled up his sleeves . . . and made a list for her:
 
1. You will have dinner prepared for me upon my arrival at home.
2. The house will be free from clutter every evening.
3. You will keep yourself presentable to greet me at the door.
4. After dinner, you will bring me the paper, my favorite slippers, and a cup of tea to enjoy as I unwind from the day.
 
The list of household laws went on and on. As the years went on, the bride did her best to comply with the list, but struggled under its inflexibility and harshness. Her own interests were always secondary to his. Though she did love her husband, she supposed, it was difficult on most days to feel the mutual love they shared. The distance between them only increased.
 
After many years, the then not-so-young-bride passed away. The curmudgeonly husband mourned her loss deeply. His greatest regret was that he was not sure if she ever knew how deeply he cared for her, because over the years they had become distant. 
 
Several years later, the curmudgeon met a lovely woman, and they fell in love. Not wanting to repeat the mistakes he had made in the past, he lavished her with love and praise. And she loved him back.
 
They were soon married, and began a life of wedded bliss together. The now not-so-curmudgeonly groom continued to lavish love, praise, and support on his new bride. She loved and respected him in return.
 
Then one day, the husband found an old slip of paper in the back of a drawer. He pulled it out to see what it was, and he began to weep as he read:
 
1. You will have dinner prepared for me upon my arrival at home.
2. The house will be free from clutter every evening.
3. You will keep yourself presentable to greet me at the door.

4. After dinner, you will bring me the paper, my favorite slippers, and a cup of tea to enjoy as I unwind from the day. . . .
 
It was the list that he had given his first wife, but that was not why he wept. He wept because he realized that his current wife, even though she had never seen the laws, did each of the things on the list. His wife cooked, cleaned, prepared, and doted on her husband, not because she had to, but simply because she loved him. She had obeyed him without even knowing what the laws were.
 
____________________________________________________________________________
 
Dr. William Greathouse told this story (or something similar) several years ago, and I have never forgotten it. The illustration exemplifies obedience out of love rather than duty. Though God does not change, as the curmudgeonly husband does in the story, my perception of God’s law and good works does.
 
If I am in proper relationship with God, basking in His love, craving His word, enjoying fellowship with Him, then obeying God comes easy. If my relationship with God is missing that intimacy, obedience causes distance and resentment.
 
Today, I’m thankful for a God who never changes, but also a God who allows me the free will to love Him, and to obey Him. I do not obey God out of force of law, even though He could force me to submit. I am allowed the freedom to obey out of love for Him. What an awesome God we serve.
 
I John 2: 5-6 NIV, “But if anyone obeys his word, love for God is truly made complete in them. This is how we know we are in him: Whoever claims to live in him must live as Jesus did.”
 

Thankful Thoughts

/ kensrobin / 4 Comments

I’ll be honest, I’m glad that Halloween is over. I’ve never quite understood the fascination with celebrating death and the macabre  — spider webs, skeletons, witches, and ghosts. Sure, kids in cute costumes running around gathering candy is harmless, but I find much of Halloween is not. I find the admonition in scripture clear, in Philippians 4:8 NIV, “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

So, as we turn into a new season of celebration of Thanksgiving, I think it is the perfect time to reflect on such things — things that we are thankful for. I don’t want the season of Thanksgiving to be overshadowed by Halloween — or even Christmas. This holiday should be given its due reflection and celebration.

So today, I’m beginning a collection of Thankful Thoughts — things that bring me joy, that are right, that are praiseworthy.

Today, I’m thankful for this crazy, wonderful, and frightening adoption journey that we’re on. Oh, I’ll be thankful for the end, to be sure, but I’m particularly thankful that God has called us to something that we could never do on our own. We are completely dependent on His provision, and on the saints who surround us. Without God stretching us, we would never experience His power or His miracles. What an extraordinary journey we are on!

What are you thankful for today?